Look

Quote from "Chasing Amy"

"well look at this morose lookin mother f*&@er here"

Well it went something like that... I'm too tired to look it up now.

I realize my post's have been getting more and more, well, depressing. And for that I am sorry. I don't deal well with pain that other cause me.

I am trying to move on. Bear with me. Everything isn't going to be all pink and fuzzy ya know.

One of my favorite blog spots to hit is here. I found it cause she had made a post called my life. no apologies. She coulda been writing about me only I haven't found my peace yet. I go there for the comfort she brings. And she doesn't even know it ~Sigh.

Anyway I bookmarked that page till i got smart and bookmarked the actual home page of her blog. Yet for some reason i kept the one for that particular posting. There it is on my nice little list of bookmarks.... the words........ "my life no apologies." I smile every time i see it.

No apologies for my morose postings. It's my life....

The Friend I never knew I never had

Sometimes in life you meet people. You grow a friendship with them. Sometimes you grow to love them.

Suddenly they are gone. Not a word, not a shout, not a hollar. Not even a F-U.

That happens and you can only think of what it was you did wrong. First you feel the pain of the loss. You look within yourself as the days of silence grow longer and longer. You beat yourself up and wonder what it is, what did you do to make this person suddenly..... dissappear.

Sometimes you can leave it at that.... in time you can move on, maybe remember sadly of the ones who just arent there anymore.

Or sometimes you can do what I do and freak out. After a few weeks of waiting you can start sending the emails.... saying the words of frustration.... they all boil down to you saying dude... wtf.....

Then they come at you and the damage is done..... you can tell....

The pain comes back but now you know. This person just needed you for a little while. When they are done with you, you are easy to dispose of. The friend you never knew that you never had is probably the one that is going to hurt you the most.

You know who you are.

You learn........

When I saw this I had to choke back some tears at how profound it was. It is so damn true. I am still reeling from some major changes going on with friends just suddenly up and leaving. Forcing the rest of us to move on to new things or try to piece together what was left behind.

Amazing what can be said with so little words.......

hmmmm

A fella who saw my pic just said I had "kissable" lips. He raved on and on about how cute i was yadda yadda yadda.

Even tho I stressed the point that well, like most girls I picked the best picture of me i could find (taken like 4 years ago lol) He still thinks this way.

Should we meet I am afraid I will disappoint.

Should I pick a crappy picture to show all would be suiters? Even he said himself tho that he picked the best of his lot cause he works in advertisement and well one should sell oneself........

I think for women tho it doesnt work quite the same way........... I think much like the idea of stuffing one's bra so one looks like they are double D's even tho they really have bug bites for tits, i think its bad to lead guys astray this way... what is the right way?

Oh yea before i forget i do have double d's but still..... any other pic other then the ones I show to the public are totally horrid!

Changes

Sometimes things happen in your life. People change and move on to bigger and better things. And it is hard for us.

We get to comfortable with the norm and when someone chooses to break away from that we cry out oh no!!!! It should be this way forever. You and me and my dog blue! Don't go.

Even tho that is the god's honest truth it is hard to see anyone move on or away from the close comfortable nitch we found eachother in. Its hard to tell if its harder for us or harder for the person choosing to move on.

Several people in my life have recently moved on and while I am sad to see them go I know they are doing what they feel is best for their own happyness.

Wish I didnt have to say goodbye.